My goddaughter and cousin is pregnant with her first child. The baby shower was this past weekend. And yes, I went. Which is a first for me. Well, actually, the second. I went to my sister's last year but only stayed an hour. I had to leave before the gifts were opened.
After Blake died, I swore I would never go to another baby shower for as long as I lived except for my own daughter or daughter-in-law. I guess this is a positive step?
I still think they are ridiculous in the sense that everyone just assumes everything will be hunky-dory. It was another cruelty having to return all those gifts or give them away. I sobbed in Bab.ies R U.s as I returned stuff and dared them to give me a hard time. I was itching for a fight that day. I remember the moment so clearly. How I felt so clearly. They were nice and didn't even ask why I was returning the stuff.
The thing that really got me about my cousin's shower was that almost everyone just assumed I was attending. Even the idiot man I married. I debated with myself for a couple of days and had a big sob fest and pity party for myself. In the end, I decided to go. Maybe to pretend to be normal for a change. Maybe because I thought she'd give a shit. Maybe because I knew I could leave at anytime. Maybe because I really had nothing better to do and I'd be fretting over it anyway. I don't know but I did go and it really was fine. My aunt's house is set up that I could go in another room or outside if I wanted and not look as though I was hiding out. But it wasn't very stressful or emotional. The actual shower. The days leading up to it were the bitch.
That morning, my little sister called to ask if I was going. And maybe that made it easier. That someone acknowledged my feelings.
The shower was lovely. Not that this means I'm jumping to go to all of them in the future and that I'm cured of the baby shower gris-gris. But I don't have to decide that today.
And my sweet, sweet goddaughter told me as she hugged me hello, "It means so much to me that you decided to come." So, I guess she did give a shit after all. The tear-jerker in that statement is "decided"; not that she was glad that I was just there but that I made a choice to do so.
So maybe not everyone is always so clueless as I think.
Laine
Glad you survived the day. I made the same pledge after Hope died that never again would I go to another shower. In three years, I have been to my sister's (but she gets it, and it was just more of afternoon tea with presents, no shitty games) and no others. I have however, turned down countless invitations. I don't think I need to explain myself to others on this. If people don't like it, well stiff shit, quite frankly. This is my life. My hell that I need to make sense of on a daily basis.
ReplyDeleteThinking back to the day of my own baby shower really does give me shivers. I was the same as any other clueless idiot. So sure in the outcome. Like you, that's what makes me feel so ill about them now. Thankfully in Australia, we don't have a huge baby shower culture anyway. Not everyone has one, and you'd certainly never have more than one. Sort of a first kid only type of thing.
xo
Hi. I found your blog through the "Right where I am" project and just thought I would say hello.
ReplyDeleteI am currently struggling with an RSVP to my cousin's baby shower.
I never had to go through returning all the gifts from my shower. My daughter was stillborn 4 days before my shower. Instead of my baby shower, I attended her funeral.
Nobody in my family understands why I can't stand the thought of one. They persistently tried to convince me to let them plan one for my second pregnancy.
Now that I have a living child, I think people will understand even less. I feel selfish for not going, and obligated to go, but I'm just not sure I can do it.
Thank you so much for sharing this post. I'm glad you made it through.
Hope's Mama, that' it exactly. I think you said what I wanted to. Thanks!!
ReplyDeleteLaura, Thanks for 'stopping by'. I'm very sorry you're here. As for showers, it's taken me years to get to this point. I refused many over the years and at first I may have felt guilty or obligated , but have come to learn I need to do what is best for me. What makes me comfortable and what I am capable of. And being at a baby shower so soon is NOT comfortable for me. Really, would it be comfortable for anyone at the shower if I was a blubbering mess in the corner? Sadly, unless someone is in these shoes they are unable to understand. Peace to you Momma.